Friday 12 February 2016

Awkward situations


Everyday we face situations that we would love to avoid. Read on for some great tips by me!

1. Walking into a waiting room :

You know the feeling when you walk into a waiting room and you have to make a split second decision about where you are going to sit? Those few microseconds are the worst. You feel like everyone is watching you and judging you somehow and you just want to take a seat as soon as you can. But, you will have to choose. Now the saeting arrangement is mostly like a giant game of Tetris. One wrong move and your entire wait is doomed. 
So, you walk in and there are a few empty seats but one is in the far corner and you don't want to walk that far. The other is between 2 people, one of whom clearly has the flu while the other is the type of aunty who wants to start a conversation with everyone. Then there is the seat between that creepy guy and creepy uncle,so automatically that area is a no-go. Then you see and find two empty seats between 2 people and you have to decide who you would like to sit with without offending the other person! I am already exhausted before my appointment! 
Tip: To avoid this situation make the earliest possible appointment. Or at a less busy time. If all else fails try awkwardly to fit yourself on that seat between the 2 people and pray no one talk to you.

2. Getting on a bus or a train/subway/metro(whatever you call it) :

Before you get on the bus or train you have to estimate where the bus/train will stop and where exactly the doors will be so you don't have to do an awkward turn towards the front once the bus/train stops. Once you manage to get on without making  a fool out of yourself you will have to decude where you want to sit. Naturally everyone wants the window seat, so depending on where you got on from that can be a yes or no. if you are lucky you will find a window seat and you can pray all the way to your destination that no one sits with you.
If you aren't that lucky you will have to make the decision again. Now you don't want to sit with someone because, come on, the seats are not made for normal human being. You have to hunch, pull in your breath and tuck in your legs all at the same time. Uncurling from that position is another story.
Also do you mind sitting in a seat that is facing someone? You knees might be touching, depending upon the size of the person sitting opposite you. Also if two seat are empty do you sit next to the person and make them feel uncomfortable because you left the side seat empty or do you leave the middle seat empty and maybe offend that person because you didn't want to sit with them.

Am I making any sense to any of you? If yes, then read on...

Tip. There is no tip. A bus or a train ride is awkward and always will be!

3. Going to a doctor:

Everytime I go to the doctor's I practise what I am going to say to her in fromt of my bathroom mirror. I don't want to look stupid, do I? Also, I make a list of everyhting that is wrong with me. But as soon as the doctor turns to me I forget everything. Now I am thinking if I want to take the list out. I don't want to seem like a hypochondriac. But if I don't give her something solid then she'll think I just like going to the doctor. So I end up telling her one thing and asking for a blood test! And more awkwardness if the doctor's appointment includes something where you will have to remove your clothes. Nobody should have to go through with that!

Tip: Go to a new doctor everytime, because your regular doctor cannot handle your weirdness.

4.Eating in public: 

I don't know how some people do that! I can't. I just can't! I feel like everyone is watching me and then I feel like maybe I am not eating properly so I try to act really proper but I am sure I end up looking even more awkward. I feel like the timy morsels of food that fall everytime I take a bite are being followed by everyone around me. And I keep wiping my lips and by the end of that my lips are raw and then I don't want to put my chapstick on because there is no way to do it.

Tip: Don't eat in public. If you have to then put your head down and act like nobody is watching. Never return to that place.

5. Waiting at a grocery-store checkout:

You don't know what to do while you wait for your turn. You can either look at what the person before you has bought. Or what the people in the next line have in their baskets or you can pretend to check out the display by the side of the check-out. Again don't make eye contact with anyone. It will lead to awkward smiles.

Tip: Be the first one at the store or opt for home deliveries.

6. Taking a call in public:

I can never understand how people can have hour long phone calls while in public. I panic if I have to take a call, I feel like everyone is looking at me and trying to hear what I am saying which leads to a squeaky voice coming out of my mouth. Why you ask? I don't know the answer to this question.

Tip: Keep your phone on silent. Act like you don't know why your pocket is making a buzzing sound.

7. Drinking a Coke:

You know the moment you take a sip and you either let out a giant hiccup or you get the urge to let out a huge burp. And you are sitting there, your nostrils flaring like crazy and your eyes watering because you want to release that burp but don't want anyone to know.

Tip: Don't drink Coke. So simple, come on!

You might be thinking " are you crazy?" Well, I am not crazy. My mother had me tested. Well, she didn't but whaddup TBBT reference!

Tuesday 9 February 2016

What's on the agenda today?

Kind of a chilled out day today. Did most of my chores yesterday so for today I am hoping I can do some stuff that I have been wanting to do for a long time. Still procrastinating but not as much as last year. Hopefully this will be a productive day!

So, the kids are down for their nap. I am hoping it will last for about 2 hours. Insha'Allah!!! Going to watch some NCIS:LA with my love*. No, not talking about the Mr. Check the picture below and you'll know *wink*

Oh wow! My laptop is quite dirty, thanks to ibbi!

*clarification: not talking about the guys running from the explosion.

When the kids wake up I am planning to do some artwork with Ibbi. You can see some of what he has done in the picture below. He is really enjoying using his crayons that his khala got for him. Everytime I take them out he goes "WOW" hahaha.

Got my hair straightener out after a very very long time. I think the last time I used it was in September last year. I love straightening my hair. Puts me in a really nice mood. Something so nice about it, your hair looks good and you look good, and the hair is so soft that you can't stop running your fingers through them. Who doesn't like that? Also this hair straightener has some kind of ceramic plates so it doesn't burn your hair to a crisp. Also no static! *win win*

This one might come as a  surprise but yes, I can use a sewing machine basically to sew in straight lines haha. But hey it's a skill and you can do so much with straight sewing. I made pillow cases and made a bedsheet (well sewed the edges, but I made it OK?) Going to do some resizing today hopefully.

That's the plan for today insha'Allah! Also have to cook dinner *sad face* but we'll get to it when it's time.

Monday 8 February 2016

Mommy's day out

On my way out today, I ended up being the only person on this side of the platform. I had actually planned it this way that I will be only one here. So I waited till the train had left and then leisurely strolled onto the platform, knowing quite well that the next train will be coming after 10 mins. Now, some of you might be wondering about my strange behaviour so let me take you back in time. I had to run some errands earlier today, kids were supposed to stay home with dad. I set up everything last night so that I could sneak out as quickly as possible without waking up the kids. That included dressing quickly and naturally skipping breakfast. The thought of skipping breakfast was a bit stressful but then I came across a great idea. I could easily grab a cup of coffee and my favourite pastry on my way and I could have it in peace and enjoy every second of it. Now that breakfast was sorted out I went to sleep hapily looking forward to the morning. Everything went according to plan and I managed to slip out while the kids slept peacefully.

I got my cappuccino and 2 pastries and as I am walking down the stairs to the platform it hit me that I don't like the thought of eating in public. I don't kow how people do it. I imagine myself eating in public and something this messy and it gives me serious heartburn. But fate had it this way that I managed to get down to the platform as my train was leaving. This gave me a  10 minute window to barf down my breakfast without the fear of being judged. Now it left the question of the people on the other side of the platform. Surely they were all looking at me, weren't they? Maybe, maybe not. So I decided to take it easy. I broke off a little piece of my precious and put it in my mouth properly, like an English woman having her tea. As soon as the train arrived at the opposite side and that side became empty too I started eating like I had never seen food before. I mean this baked piece of heaven was sooo good that I didn't want to deprive my tastebuds the chance of savouring it. 

OMG I really AM obsessed with food, ain't I?

Well folks, that was the highlight of my day. Though I felt a little guilty for enjoying this alone time I also felt a little rebellious you know, kids at home with dad and I am out here all alone. Wow, motherhood really changes everything doesn't it?

Thursday 4 February 2016

Stuff desi families do

1. Friday is Biryani day and Biryani is always #1

2. We can fit 10 people into a 4 seater car. Also a family of 5 can easily fit on a motorbike.

3. Everything that can be reused will be reused. Plastic bags, empty coke bottles, plastic containers, disposable spoons and the list goes on.

4. The more oil you use in your cooking, the more it will look and taste delicious.

5. Drink chai (tea) in summers and even 5 minutes before bedtime.

6. Any girl who crosses 18 suddenly becomes rishta material.

7. Every aunty wants a chand si bahu for her son (doesn't matter if the son looks like a baboon).

8. Everything wrong with a child is and will be blamed on the mobile phone.

9. Parents are always right.

10. Everyone's parents always came first, won at every sport and were the best at everything (makes you wonder if anyone ever came 2nd)

11. You go to weddings just for the food.

12. Be prepared to be judged if you are too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too rich, too poor, too educated, too prepared.

13. No phone calls after 9 at night.

14. Always wake up late on the weekend.

15. Gossip for hours and then end the conversation with "sanu ki" (who cares)

16. Be ready to get advice about everything under the sun form everyone you know and everyone you dont know. Have acne? Desi totka. Can't cook? Desi totka. Can't get married? Desi totka. Constipated? Desi totka,

17. Rainy season is pakora season.

18. Sunday breakfast is halwa poori.

19. Some national phrases: "haraam", "haw hayee", "fitay munh", "ullu ka patha", "bribe",
"dafa ho", "sanu ki". Use all these words to get a spicy gossip session. P.S. don't forget your chai.